I see myself as a small child..

Wednesday, Sept. 28, 2005 ~ 1:17 p.m.

I saw myself this morning, or figured out, that I am so lost, so storm tossed, that all I am looking for right now is someone who is sure about something that can tell me how things are and reassure me. Basically, I am a child, looking for a parent figure in a relationship. Looking for a stronghold that I can cling to the knee of. It's really pathetic, actually.

All I know is that I feel really good about the relationships I have been developing over the last six or so months. I really feel like I am meeting and communing with people that are going to encourage me to figure things out for myself, and aren't going to drag me down. And that's exciting. I am ready to make a massive breakthrough in self discovery, as self-help as that sounds. I don't really care. I am ready to know who I am and know for sure what I want. I think.

I can't believe I've gotten into the swing of updating this thing with stuff that makes sense and is important everyday. That's impressive for me -- maybe I am fueled by the fact that I was only 50 entries away from 1000 entries the last time that I checked (probably closer to 45 now). I have had this diary probably longer than all of the other diaries I had before it combined, and I'm glad. I remember the fateful day I left "withabandon.diaryland.com" and thought I would never have such a nice resting place again. Then I tried to keep my diaries secrets from my friends but ultimately, I think it's important for people to know what's going on inside of my head, it makes more sense that way. To me anyways. For people to know what makes me tick so they can excuse or understand my craziness every once and again.